So, I know my mom had these same demons in her head trying to distract her but she was strong enough to carry on and be a courageous and loving woman to everybody she met.
i have a better outlook today, wow, that last post was harsh. it's funny because the day after writing that i found out that nobody told me that anna had been released early, like a week before. i sent a birthday card to las colinas. it hasn't been returned. i wonder if it was forwarded or thrown away. anna hasn't contacted me. evidently she still doesn't want to have a relationship with me. i wonder if i'll ever have that mother daughter relationship with her ever again. the bible told me train up a child in the way they should go and they shall not depart from it. the day we left georgia, i gave our lives to god and promised to raise you in the church and i would be involved and raise you all to be godly women.
letting go. it's hard. you'll find out when it's time to let your little butterfly children go. you never stop thinking about them, you never stop wanting their happiness and to be safe. that's all i want. i want you all to be happy and safe. even if i never see you again. i will always.
so i have a plumber here today. omg, i looked in on him and there was the plumber's buttcrack! when i came back with the camera he had fixed himself and kept it out of sight since. hahahahahaha too funny.
i'm really happy today, i know the circus around me is causing me to be overwhelmed in my thoughts of the things i am assigned to do. i don't use assigned as a negative term, these are things i am able to do, willing to do, or wanting to do. the trick is to not over do it in body. in brain, i'm always overdoing it but i've realized that i have the semi-unique talent of keeping my mouth shut.
joe's mom is in a great home. she may be there for a long time. she seems pretty healthy to me, more healthy than she was at home. setting her up in her new room, bringing all her stuff from her house is going to be an ongoing job but we can do it, we will do it, and i'm ok with that (ray & maryann are taking care of all the hard stuff; thank you God! amber's having some big decisions to make but she's an adult, a parent, only she can make those decisions and i have to be ok with that. i'm ok with that. jen is very good at what she does, she's busy, i don't have to talk to her every day, i'm ok with that. anna's out of jail, back with carlo, must be happy because she makes her own decisions and i'm ok with that. it's not my call, not my life, not my decision. i'm ok with that.
the lesson here, dear reader, is you have to be ok with the circus around you because it's them and their's not you that need to go thru it. watch & pray. love and smile. you have enough problems of your own to get involved in other's.
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